Being a Christian isn't easy.
No one said it was gonna be easy, but heck. Wish it was.
I was first saved on the 31st of October, 2011 on the school field at lunch time with a bunch of other students. It was the best day if my life. I admit, it was really good to have felt such a powerful connection with an Almighty God like our God.
He sacrificed His only Son to save all of us; who are not even worthy of His love! I know I'm not. I'm not perfect. I'm very far off the perfect mark.
Anyway, I attended church with a new attitude, I went to night services and youth at my future full time church, Manukau New Life, and I even went to Bible studies with some of my mates. It was really fun.
Then came sin... and temptation... and the internet.
At first I thought I could handle these temptations by keeping them on a tight leash and throwing them out of my mind. But as the days went by they would start to bust down the door of my self-control and bust through. I gave in.
I must admit, out of all the sins in this world, LUST is the sin that has affected me the most. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has been affected by this deadly sin.
I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed and embarrassed at what this sin has done to me. Is doing to me. Okay, I have myself to blame for the lack of self-control and the lack of faith to overcome it.
Lust has driven me to do shameful things. It had made me become addicted to pornography. I was a porn addict. But here's the twist: I was addicted to both straight and gay porn.
I don't know why, but I've noticed that sometimes my mind will lust after someone of the same sex. At school, in public, my mind lusts after boys. And girls. Let's not forget the girls.
I've had girl crushes before. One time I even considered myself to be in love with one of my friends back in primary. (I know, that was the age of pure crushing on someone, not loving them.)
To be honest, I hate it. I hate these feelings that I have inside of me. I think I'm even contradicting myself when I said in my other blog that I stood against those who are gay basher's, but only because of pure reason that equality should exist in this world.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I support gay people... but I will not let myself become gay/bi-sexual.
I love how, when I'm not brave enough to talk about this to a group of people, I can type about it instead for the whole world to see.
So if you're a Christian or of any religion and are kinda in the same situation that I'm in, then be encouraged. Seek Him. He is all you need. He can rid you of your sins and make you new again. I know because He had done that for me before and He can sure do it again.
Be inspired. Don't beat yourself up, but just learn from your sins and move back onto the path. Because the rewards He has in store for you and I in Heaven is unimaginable. :)
Sorry if I bored you but just needed to get this off my chest. Pleasant night/day everyone. :)
